To quote Bob Dylan, the times, they are a-changin'. This post scares me, because the fallout from the last one was quite extreme. But I've had enough people ask me to keep posting that I am going forward with it. My trepidation is not for me, because I can take it, but the fallout from the last post landed squarely on TK's head, and it nearly wrecked us. Let me backtrack.
Some folks at the school took umbrage at my last post. This resulted in the powers that be telling me effective immediately I could no longer walk TK to class and couldn't go in her classroom. I'd say you can imagine what this did to TK, except I don't think you can, so let me tell you.
This edict freaked her out to a point I have not seen in a long time. She was so scared (as much by the arbitrary decision as the actual fact that I couldn't walk her to class) that she was throwing up, refused to be more than 2 steps from me, and had nightmares (while she was in my bed, because she was way too scared to sleep in her own). She was terrified, and absolutely certain that she wasn't safe at school anymore. Given things that were said to me that I won't write down, (suffice to say they alarmed me) I had to agree with her. The complete lack of understanding of TKs, 5 years into this at this particular school, was heart-breaking. I absolutely know there are those at her (old) school who get it (mostly) and are always trying to do the right thing, but my faith in the school was shattered by the administrator who changed the rules with no reason and no regard for the impact on TK.
After a few days of walking her to her door (but not into her room), I could no longer watch TK devolve into a state of perpetual fear. So I yanked her from school and did the mad scramble to figure out what on earth we were going to do.
After lots of praying (and lots of tears) we found a small Montessori school that seems to fit her well. I am allowing her to set her transition pace, and so far it has gone pretty smoothly. She is much calmer when she's home, and on the first day she told me she felt "cozy and safe". And there's NO HOMEWORK!! (I'm not sure which one of us was about to fall down and yell Hallelujah first, but I'm betting it was me).
The interesting twist to this story is my meeting with the superintendent's office. It was a promising meeting, with great interest shown in learning more about trauma kids and how to help them. So while TK won't be there to get the benefits, maybe, just maybe, we're paving the way for future TKs to have it a little easier.
Be brave, Trauma Mamas. This fight is sometimes scary, and often overwhelming, and mostly we all feel we're making it up as we go, but it is always worth it.
I'm extending grace to all who are trying to make it a better world for our TKs. Hang on tight, Trauma Mamas......and hold your TKs even tighter.
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