Reposted -Sep 4, 2014 WHO THOUGHT BEING REGULATED AT SCHOOL WOULD BE A BAD THING

Two major meltdowns this week. Tonight's was an hour and a half sobfest - face in pillow, blanket over the head, sobbing until she was hiccuping, full on sobfest. And yes, up until the minute it started life was calm and we were giggling and having a great night. Typical TK (Trauma Kid) unpredictability.

I am trying to get to the root of the drama without pushing or trying to problem solve.  The latter is the hardest part....the need to jump in and offer solutions is so inherent in parenthood.  Yet that only fuels the "you're not HEARING me" part of the meltdown, and the meltdown cannot end until she feels heard, understood, and accepted.   So I remind myself to get in the drama with her, not to stand outside and throw solutions at her.  So I sat on the floor next to the sobbing, hiccuping child I love more than anything, and I said things like, "I know it feels so overwhelming right now." I fought hard NOT to say things like, "Seriously, we can finish this in 5 minutes."   Yes, I said it in my head (repeatedly) and I did let slip the, "Monkey, it's not that bad. We can talk to your teacher and fix this."  But at that moment in her head it WAS that bad, and even worse.  So of course her response to my problem solving statement was to pull the blanket back over her head and wail vociferously. Sigh.

So WHAT is the issue? Here's my guess. TK is doing great at school. She is self-regulating 90%+ of the time.  And this, oddly enough, is the problem.  She is using every bit of regulation she has during the school day.  So when she gets home, the wheels fall off the bus.  It's a combination of classwork that didn't get done, homework that is longer term stuff (the ability to translate "you have to do 30 minutes of this by Friday" to "do 5 minutes of it every night" is not there, and I cannot instill that ability), and some less than stellar scores on classwork and tests.

So now what, you ask?  Good question.  I'm blessed with a team of teachers and support staff that are willing to take on board what I say and try different approaches until one clicks. I always fear that I'll be labelled the psycho/pushy/high maintenance mom (especially since it's still early in the year), but ....it won't be the first or last time I get those labels, I'm sure.  And it's not about me....okay, it's partly about me in terms of I'm all for not dealing with massive meltdowns at home. 

So send us a little grace to work through this one.  I'll return the favor one day.