Reposted - Oct 1, 2014 HOW TO REALLY FREAK OUT YOUR TRAUMA KID

I haven't posted in a while not due to lack of material but rather an overabundance of  it, so get comfy!

I woke up 2-1/2 weeks ago with a fever and the worst headache I've ever had.  If you really want to freak out your Trauma Kid, pack them off on an unplanned visit to a friend's house and tell them you'll get them whenever you get home from the Emergency Room.  I was at the ER about 5 hours, and TK had her iPad and emailed me a few times - "Mom, I want to come home. I'm scared."  Those emails reminded me that no matter how far we've come, we still have a long way to go. 

After I got home, I got the response I expected - anger.  There was no empathy because she was scared. Luckily I knew that so I wasn't upset (though a little sympathy would have been nice!)  The next week was challenging. I felt like crud and she was totally out of whack.  I did my best to make her life as normal as possible regardless of how I felt.  No, I wasn't being a hero, just trying to ease the fear of my sweet girl.  

About a week after the ER drama, Lucky returned after a long hiatus.  Lucky is TK's alter ego- a puppy (from 101 Dalmations) about 3-1/2 to 4 years old. He comes full on - language, actions, needs of  a pre-schooler.  I had a BGO (blinding glimpse of the obvious) tonight -- of course Lucky is 3-1/2 to 4. TK's world fell apart when she was 4-1/2, so 3-1/2 to 4 was a safe age.  I was surprised that Lucky showed up -- he hasn't been around in many months.  I shouldn't have been surprised - he shows up when TK really needs to feel safe.  Yet another reminder how my ER visit scared her.  What do I do when Lucky shows up?  Roll with it.  I treat Lucky as the 3-1/2  to 4 year old he is.  You have to meet your TK at the age they're experiencing, not their chronological age. It's pretty common for them to regress in times of stress, so just go with it.  Ignore the weird looks you get from people in Target when your 9 year old yells, "Mommy, look at dis.  It's siwwy." (silly)  Lucky will leave when TK feels safe. And I'm honestly glad she has that time in her life she can pull on to feel safe.

Fast forward to today. All seemed well after school. TK went to her room and vegged after school, then said she wanted to do her homework outside.  (It was 87 degrees out there).  After about two minutes she yelled, "It's too hot out here!", ran to her room, threw herself on the bed and started sobbing. I (foolishly) asked her what was wrong.  That's basically pulling the pin from the meltdown grenade.  I should have walked in and said nothing and sat on the floor, not looking at her until she started talking. But I still screw up, so I asked her what was wrong.  My second error was not ducking.  The meltdown started with pencils being snapped in half and flung across the room. That wasn't satisfying enough to her frustration/fear/overwhelm, so she moved up to shoes, books, and pretty much everything in reach.  She wasn't actually throwing them at me (I think), but I was in range, so......I got smart and got quiet. Eventually the meltdown slowed and I had a moment of brilliance (heaven knows I needed it right then!).  I grabbed a stack of old workbooks and an old phone book and told her to rip them to shreds.  After about 5 minutes, Lucky said, "Come help me, Mommy." So I did.  We ended up throwing paper all over the living room and the hall and making a huge mess. But in the midst of the mess were some giggles. After another 10 minutes of throwing and shredding paper (including making a faux leaf pile and jumping into it), the tide had turned and peace reigned in the valley once more.

So, I'm giving myself kudos for thinking of the paper shredding gig (and planning to stock up on old books at Goodwill), and giving us both some grace for the very long and challenging last two weeks.  Give yourself some grace too. Maybe you didn't land in the ER, but I'm sure there were challenges aplenty.