Margaret Mead was right!

TK has given me the chance to mull on connection quite a bit tonight.  We had a great drama-free day, a sweet evening filled with laughter and games, and a smooth easy bedtime.  TK was asleep before her 9 PM bedtime.  So why, you may ask, has she been up three times already?  Beats me.  And why, you may ask, does she come find me every time she wakes up and ask me to come in her room and pat her/sit with her.  That one I CAN answer.

Anthropologist Margaret Mead said something along the lines of "the greatest human need is someone to worry when you don't come home at night."  Because we all need connection.  That's why TK comes to get me every time she wakes up.

You are probably thinking, "an almost 11 year old should be able to get herself back to sleep."  True, and a non TK 11 year old probably can. In truth, TK could too if there were no choice.  But luckily for her there is a choice. 

When a person who has the ability to fully self regulate wakes up in the middle of the night, they either physically or emotionally/mentally seek a connection - grab a loved one's hand, pull up a fond memory, say a prayer, think about their day.....the connect to someone or something important to them. It makes them feel grounded and safe.

When a TK, who does not have the ability to fully self regulate, wakes up, they seek that same connection.  But theirs comes from a physical connection with a "safe" person.  TK doesn't have the ability, especially when just awaking unexpectedly, to find sufficiency in the thought of me. She needs my physical presence to make her feel safe and ease her through the transition to sleep.

Tonight she has walked out, said, "I'm sorry, Mom, but I just feel better when you're with me after I wake up."  Her mind knows what she needs, even if she isn't awake enough to know it consciously.  So at her most vulnerable, she seeks connection, safety, and love.  Don't we all?

Connection - it gives us strength; it gives us peace; it gives us grace. Margaret Mead knew it 100 years ago. Thanks to TK, I get to re-learn and remember it. There is definitely grace in that knowledge.  Find the grace in connection - with your TK, with your support network, with other Trauma Mamas/Daddies/caregivers.  Be strong, Trauma Mamas. It can be challenging to be the safe place multiple times in one night (or many nights), but take pride in knowing YOU are your TK's rock, their safety, their "connection".