The Bless in the Mess

I'm taking part in a Bible Study called "Let.It.Go."  Being a Trauma Mama, I definitely have a leg up on this one!

Trauma Mamas (and Daddies, Grandparents, Siblings, etc) play "let it go" all the time (and not the Elsa version).  It starts when the trauma rears up. The first thing you let go is your vision of your family. For me it meant letting go of the idea that our days would be filled with friends and carefree times.  When the trauma became evident, there wasn't anything carefree or friend-filled about our days.  Our days were about survival.....white knuckles, tears streaming, on your knees praying, us against the world survival.  

After you let go of the vision of your family, you let go of your vision of your child's future. You learn that getting through trauma is a day to day thing, and planning 10 years from now is impossible. Many times, planning two hours ahead is impossible. You let go of thinking you can follow through on plans for play dates and outings, knowing there are times you must hunker into your "small world" and focus on making your TK feel safe.  You (try to) let go of the disappointment and pain of telling a friend yet one more time at the last minute that you can't make the skating rink/play date/movie, knowing this may be the time that they walk away and don't call again.   You let go of visions of carefree times at the park chatting with other moms, knowing you will be in hyper vigilant mode, watching for the first signs of overwhelm so you can insert that "time in" that will (hopefully) avert the reactive hitting/yelling/throwing trucks at someone's head that occurs when your TK suddenly feels threatened.

You let go of your need to understand why your TK does the things she does, and just accept that you will never understand that state level of fear that is insidiously embedded in your TK's mind.  

You let go of carefree holidays and vacations, knowing the lack of structure/change of routine/invasion of loving relatives is all change and stress to your TK. Instead you guardedly schedule get-togethers, planting the seed with others that you may have to cancel/leave early and seemingly inexplicably.  You dread the long break from school because you know it will drain you of every ounce of patience and energy you have.  

You let go of many things, or you go crazy trying to hold on to them.  Letting go is scary, but it is powerful.  When you let go you leave room to let other things in.  You let IN watching your TK heal and grow. You let IN getting stronger and more patient and less judgmental. You let IN compassion. You let IN grace.  And letting go of everything else is nothing compared to gaining compassion and grace.  With compassion and grace we can heal our TKs, our families, and ourselves.  

Grab the grace of letting go. It will scare you to death and empower you beyond words.  Sit with grace and compassion and know you are the strong, powerful, loving Trauma Mama you are, and your TK is blessed to have you.