This will be a different post today, Trauma Mamas. I've always tried to keep it real, but this time I'm going hard core reality. I'm doing this in the hope, as always, that it touches someone's heart and makes them feel less alone, less misunderstood, less rejected. But this post will be about me, the Trauma Mama, and not the Trauma Kid.
For most of my adult life I have dealt with chronic illness and/or chronic pain .... endometriosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, lyme disease and babesia.....and other mystery pain of unknown origin. I spent years on hard core opiates - including wearing a morphine patch for 5 years. I was always closely supervised by a legit pain clinic but those drugs were the only reason I functioned for many years. Pain, in varying degrees, has been a part of my daily life for over 25 years. I can hide it better than most people, and very few, if any, can tell when I'm really hurting. When pain is your reality you just deal with it. I firmly believe sitting around feeling miserable and sorry for yourself is a waste of time.
I adopted my amazing, beautiful, courageous TK from Russia when she was one. We have battled trauma, attachment and mental health issues since she was 4. I have always been an army of one. My support system is......me. Feel free to chime in on how unhealthy that is.....I know. But for a variety of reasons (primarily a world that doesn't understand the impacts of trauma and thus rejects our TKs, blame our parenting for the problems, and writes us off) that has been our reality.
Her emotional challenges and my physical challenges have, many times, put us in financial straits. I am unable to work full time (or even really part time if there's a schedule attached) because I never know when the Lyme disease will flare up to make me barely functional. Our house is a mess (I'm ignoring my need to defend myself and focusing on being real). Our front garden looks like the Clampetts moved in (google it if you're too young to catch the reference!) unless I go hog wild and rip everything out (which has happened but the dang stuff grows back). The list of projects to be done in the house is ridiculous, but always a casualty of either finances or energy.
This isn't a poor me post. But it is an attempt to remind all of us that we don't know what goes on behind someone's doors- either of their house, their heart, or their mind. That's why we need to extend grace with abandon. Your challenges are different from mine, but no less real and no less consuming. I will always try to meet you with grace. Pay the grace forward, my friends. Heaven knows we all need it.
To my non-trauma mama friends.....we need your abundant grace as well. We trauma mamas are often exhausted and/or overwhelmed. But we keep plugging because our trauma kids, while challenging, are also incredibly brave, resilient, amazing humans who have made our lives and our hearts infinitely more full. We don't ask for sympathy, just understanding.....and grace.....that above all.
Thank you for this.
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