Finding grace in the aftermath

After last night's debacle, I figured today would be a disaster.  TK, unsurprisingly, had a rough night....multiple nightmares, ending up in my bed about 3 AM.  We were up at the crack of dawn to get Grandmom to the airport.  We got her there, dropped her off, and as we pulled away TK started crying.  I knew this wasn't the "I miss Grandmom" tears, so I decided to throw caution to the winds.  Yep, I did it....I asked what was wrong.  This is always a dicey move; more times than not it ends up lighting the fuse of the meltdown. But today, surprisingly, blessedly, it didn't.  She just said she had a really bad headache and was exhausted.  (Knowing she was running on about 4 hours of sleep, I wasn't surprised.)  I told her we'd go home and she could sleep and we'd go to school later.  

As we pulled in the garage, TK says, "Mommy, I'm really sorry about last night."  I said, "Me, too, Baby.  I was in tears because I was so upset about saying what I said."  My amazing, merciful daughter said, "It's okay, Mommy, we all mess up sometimes....even grown-ups."

That was a moment I could see all the tears, prayers, and work paying off. After the intense dysregulation of last night, TK found forgiveness and the ability and willingness to let it go.  That is huge.  In the past, the fallout from this would have lasted for days, and TK would have thrown what happened back in my face multiple times.  But none of that happened. She truly let it go.  I have never seen that happen before.  

And yes, I proudly take credit for that. I endeavor to model forgiveness and mercy, to implement it in our "re-dos", and to truly let things go when they are over.  That has been a journey for me, and i am blessed that she brought that skill to me.  

Of all the places I thought I might garner some grace today, I didn't expect to get it from the 9 year old that God gave to me.  It reminded me that this journey is worth every tear, and that the love in our hearts is conquering the fear in our heads.

Grace pops up where you don't expect it sometimes.  It is always a gift; embrace it when it comes your way. Believe it will come.  Have faith in the grace and the love, Trauma Mamas. They will change your life.